Zach Knaus’ (aka @twodogszk) Blog

Golden, CO – The Coors Brewing Company announced today that they will soon begin offering Coors Light in a new “shotgunnable can” that will feature a second tab on its side to allow for easy shotgunning.

With the innovation, Coors is aiming to rid binge drinkers of the tedious burden of searching for the air pocket in a can of beer before it’s punctured, as well as eliminate the possibility of a punctured beer spraying out all its beer before it can be shotgunned.

The can is expected to have a large impact on the canned beer market and is one of the first large-scale attempts to court binge drinkers, who spend hundreds of millions of dollars on cheap beer every year.

“While our current wide-mouth vented can does allow the beer leave the can more quickly and create a smooth, refreshing pour, it doesn’t seem to satisfy the customer that prefers to have the beer shot down his throat.” said Coors Brewing Company CEO Peter Swinburn. “That’s why we’ve created this new can. When used in cooperation with the traditional tab located at the top of the can, the shotgunnable can will completely empty its contents in a matter of seconds.”

When asked by a reporter if the can was magic, Swinburn just chuckled and said, “No, it’s mostly just gravity and pressure change and I can’t even begin to tell you how much it means to me that this happened under my watch here at Coors.”

While Coors had been criticized in the past for cheap gimmicks like having a frost brewed liner and a wide-mouth vented can, reception for the shotgunnable can has been overwhelmingly positive and binge drinkers around the country have been raving at its practicality. Steve Tucker, who is national president of the Omicron Iota Upsilon fraternity noted, “It’s about time a beer company listened to the concerns of its customers and crafted a product specifically intended to resolve any complaints they may have.”

Tucker also preordered 1,500 cases of the Coors Light with shotgunnable cans so that he can distribute them amongst its chapters around the country. After placing the order, he seemed to be fighting back tears as he added, “If there’s canned beer in heaven, it’s definitely served in shotgunnable cans.”

Thought all your dreams of an all-in-one NERF gun / Wii controller were fulfilled with the original NERF Blaster Controller? Think again. 'Cause EA has now announced its follow-up NERF 2: N-Strike Elite game, which will of course also come bundled with a new and improved NERF Switch Shot EX-3 blaster. As before, this one will house the Wiimote inside to let you use it with the game or let you ditch it to take things outside (or to the office), and it adds a new attachable "NERF decoder scope" that'll let you detect enemy weak spots, decode secret messages, and uncover other hidden gameplay elements. And, well, it's a NERF gun and a Wii controller. Is there anything else you really need to know? No word on a price just yet, but you can look for the bundle to launch sometime this fall.

By David Brown

Being a major league ballplayer can be a hazardous occupation. Not only because baseballs scream along going 100 mph, or because oversized maple splinters tumble uncontrollably toward vulnerable fielders.

Sometimes, a guy can't jump out of the dugout to celebrate with his teammates without breaking a toe.

That's what happened to Cubs right-hander Ryan Dempster(notes), who could be out a month after snagging — and breaking — his right big toe on a dugout railing after the last out of Sunday's victory against the Brewers at Wrigley Field.

Dempster was supposed to start Tuesday night's game against the Braves, but instead was put on the 15-day disabled list because of a non-displaced fracture that probably also will cost him a toenail.

From Hardball:

"It's a weird thing," Dempster said.

No kidding. Dempster's is not the weirdest baseball trauma ever — the Rockies' Dustan Mohr injured a calf muscle similarly four years ago — but it does place Dempster in a pantheon of players who hurt themselves oddly.

With that, here are several of the more-infamous baseball player injuries of the recent past:

Glenallen Hill, "Spider-man," 1990: The granddaddy longlegs of them all. An arachnophobe, the Blue Jays outfielder suffered cuts and bruises during a sleepwalk in which he dreamed he was being chased by spiders.

Chris Brown, "By an Eyelash," 1989: Many of us have "slept funny" and woken up with a sore neck or back, but the Tigers infielder broke the mold when one of his eyes became infected after he, well, slept on it funny. Considered kind of wimpy during his playing days, Brown actually went to work driving a truck in Iraq for Halliburton — one of the world's more dangerous jobs. He died in a mysterious fire in 2006.

Vince Coleman, "Tarp Monster!" 1985: Gruesomely, the Cardinals speedster suffered cuts and chipped bone in his leg — not to mention relative terror — after being attacked by a tarp machine in St. Louis during the NLCS.

Sammy Sosa, "Nothing to Sneeze at," 2004: A deep sneeze — no, really — caused the Cubs outfielder to be sidelined with a pulled muscle in his back.

Carlos Zambrano, "Overloaded Inbox," 2005: Missing his family back in Venezuela during 2005, the emotional right-hander spent 4-5 hours a day on the computer e-mailing his folks and strained his right elbow.

Joel Zumaya, "Strumming His Pain," 2006: Another e-injury with a "Z" pitcher occurred when the Tigers' reliever hurt his right wrist and arm playing too much Guitar Hero. He had to be shelved for three games during the ALCS.

Adam Eaton, "Adult-Proof Packaging," 2001: Long before he was feeling Brotherly Love, the Padres right-hander missed a start after stabbing himself in the stomach with a pocket knife trying to open a package of DVDs.

David Wells, "Vintage Slapstick," 2004: Cost himself a $1-million bonus after horsing around at home, knocking over a bottle of wine, bracing his fall with his hands and severing a tendon in his right wrist.

Steve Sparks, "Yell 'Ow!' Pages," 1994: Inspired by a motivational speaker, the Brewers knuckleballer dislocated his left shoulder by ripping the Phoenix phonebook in half.

Marty Cordova, "Sun Worshipper," 2002: A tanning session gone wrong burned the Orioles' outfielder's face, causing him to miss a few games.

Jeff Kent, "Evil Kentievel," 2002: After injuring his wrist popping a wheelie on his motorcycle — a violation of the contract he signed with the Giants — Kent concocted a story that he fell off his pickup truck while washing it. Some old-fashioned reporting blew his fraudulent cover.

Clint Barmes, "The Deer Eater," 2005: Fell and broke his collarbone — costing himself three months of the season — trying to lug a package of frozen venison given to him by teammate Todd Helton(notes). Barmes made up a cover story for Helton's sake, he said, but cracked under the pressure and eventually spilled the truth beans.

You see them at every baseball game. The obsessive geeks who stake out batting practice and clamor over beautiful girls just to get random fly balls from third-string catchers. But now they're refining their tactics and upping their demands.

Now I would never get all Grumpy McOldschool and tell people how they can and can't enjoy their sports ... but these people need to stop. We all know the tale of the Happy Youngster and his hardball negotiating tactics, but he is not alone. There's Zack Hample (who you've also met before), who charges other people $500 to attend games with him and learn his ballhawking secrets. (He has 4,000+ baseballs from 46 different stadiums.) There's Tom Snyder who asked for a jersey and two signed bats in exchange for Carlos Gonzalez's first career home run and when that offer was refused, asked for the totally reasonable sum of $10,000. I don't think that's how negotiation works.

Ballhawking is now its own sport and people are flying around the country, competing with each other to nab more (and more lucrative) home run balls. It's not about catching a souvenir—it's about catching that valuable milestone that you can ransom back to a big leaguer for swag. Teams are now leery of these folks, knowing that whenever one of their players does something meaningful they have to enter into complex negotiations with some punk in the bleachers. The man who caught Ken Griffey's 600th home run sold it at auction for $42,000, but not before asking for "a few things that were out of hand," according to Griffey.

All you need to know about Hample is that he brings a hat and shirt for both the home and away teams to every game, so that he can change clothes to match whichever team happens to be taking practice. Pretending to be a fan so you can get someone to throw you a batting practice ball isn't a hobby, it's a sickness. Plus, there's a lesson to be learned in the fan who gave Adam Dunn his 300th home run ball back for free. Dunn gave him more goodies—a signed jersey, three signed balls and tickets—than anyone.